The Toothpaste Fantasy

Apparently toothpaste does wonders on the skin. You'll be smelling minty fresh in no time. I imagine that at the time of my innocence, it was pure admiration I was paying to my father, who I'd watch occasionally shave in the mirror before going to work. I was in complete awe and temporary astonishment of how he took the razor to his skin, and his 5 o'clock shadow would disappear. I even took it upon myself to try it out; but it appears that I was caught in just enough time before I picked up the razor to shave my already shadow-less face. 


So here is where the toothpaste fantasy began. Up to my elbows in the white pasty goo. My mother or father photographed what looked like a crime scene. The criminal was a little over three feet tall,  curly hair in a ponytail, and a smile that could make the cracks in any frown fade. Convinced of the worst crime of all... Obliterating a tube of toothpaste. 
Punishment: a permenant photo of the crime that i'll be able to show my grandkids one day. 
The look of sheer joy was plastered across my face, and I was clearly having the time of my life.

What would this have looked like if I did not elaborate? You would've "Need[ed] to have [the] reality confirmed" (Sontag), due to the fact that "one never [truly] understands anything from a photograph" (Sontag). 

Well, just how child appropriate is it?

The things that I laughed at as a child are much different than from what my six year-old  sister laughs at today. The television shows and the things she views are much more mature than what a kindergartner should be watching, but the shows she watches on Disney and Nickelodeon are "child appropriate". Televisions shows that display violent scenarios and much more mature language than what a children's audience should be absorbing should be "child appropriate".

Now the term "child appropriate" is used loosely to describe televisions shows that come on early in the morning before noon when all of the big kids (10-14 year olds) wake up, or On Demand within the "Kid and Family Entertainment" section.

I remember having to sneak and watch Ed Ed and Eddy; my mom would not allow me to watch this show due to the fact that some of the language in the show was not age appropriate. But, that is where the irony presents itself, because it was considered appropriate... Just not to my mom.

Although I do begin to realize that times are evolving and children grow up much faster than my generation had. Many others will argue that there is no need for censorship within the censored. Phrases that they use in those particular shows such as "it's an uphill battle" or "take a stab at it" are used due to the children's shows ADULT WRITERS; which is why it presents itself as a non-issue. The North  York Women's Teachers' association suggests that we use alternatives to describe situations that are kid-friendly.

But, not everything that is kid friendly is necessarily "kid friendly."  

No One Man Can have All that Power

Blogging at 11:22 PM

Common trend every week, unless I just so happen to blog around 10. Best work happens at night; let's get it.

I don't think that people give women enough credit for the things that they do. 

I mean tthey co-create every human being on this earth for crying out loud. 

Think about all the things and norms that women have challenged just to be a part of this world and people still continue to fight against equality.

Example. 

Feminism.

It is not some man-eating cult full of single women who've had their hearts broken. 

It includes men and women both fighting for the advancement of our women in this world. 

It's a beautiful thing really.

"So why don't we have menninism?"

Because men initially have had a leg up on us since the beginning. 

And not only that, but menninism was something created to mock the feminist movement; which sucks. Could they let us have something please. 

I mean God created Adam first. 

But people seem to forget that Eve was created because Adam needed her. 

It's important to love our women, just as much as we love and appreciate our men. 

An Invisible Tattoo

Everyone's marked. 
whether it be by what you're wearing, or what's permanently on your body. 
birth mark.
tattoo.
scar. 
You're Marked. 
It's not always a bad thing, it's just that society trys to dictate whether it's good or bad. 
Tattoo's in the work place are frowned upon if they're visible outside of your work attire, because they don't look "professional", or depending on what type of ink you got, it has a negative connotation to what the business is all about. 
Even people that have scars on their body have been marked. Could be from self harm, a gnarly surgery, or an accident. When they're visible, people try to pick apart why you got them just by looking at you, and after they've decided how you've gotten your battle scars; that is how they see you. 
Everything that is done to the body tells the story of what you are, who you are, and what you've been through. 
I could almost compare it to being naked, because everything is exposed. 
I just will never be able to grasp why such markings in life have to be diagnosed by one glance without question, or any further analysis from the marked. 
Everyone's tattoo's are meant to tell stories;  they're meant to reveal who you are. I don't think it's possible to live unmarked because there is " no unmarked [man] or woman" (Tannen 556), and it is not a bad thing
. 

"Do you need any help? I don't want you to hurt yourself"

Oh yeah... 

I'll try my hardest not to turn this into a rant man. 

While others might say that the only woman in the weight room is a Lone Ranger; I think she's the strongest one in the room[besides the fact that she's not apart of the 1000lbs club like some of the other men]. I do believe that the weight room at Troy High is one of the most gendered places in my every day student environment. 

I'm a student athlete in the spring; I run track for our team at school, [go colts right?] so I spend time in the weight room quite frequently, or after tutoring I just might go visit some of the guys in there just to say hello. 

Don't get me wrong, this isn't one of those "ohmygod girls are never in there" type thing, they are, just not at the same time boys are, or if they are, there is only a few of them, and the rest of them are either too intimidated, or scared to go in. 

And I get it.

All the sweaty jocks bench pressing and squatting more than both of the 100lb females that are stuck in the door way, is pretty scary at times. Or that they're all grunting and wheezing and cheering each other on, and you don't want to be the odd one out at the squat bar, just squatting the 45-pound bar. 

We all have to start somewhere. 

Like I didn't just put all 200lbs on my bar at the start. 

I would've died.

The weight room is pretty male-dominated, but I love the fact that girls go in there too. In the weight room we all share a common goal, and that's building our strength. Whether it be squatting, benching, curling, or just running on the treadmill, we leave after each session stronger than we were before we came in. Male or female, the weight room should be a place where the fear or intimidation of being a girl shouldn't matter.

 Gon' in there and build those muscles!

                                        

Is it Really That Funny?

I would have to agree with Alain de Botton on his opinion stating that the "chief aim of humorists is not merely to entertain, but to convey with impunity messages that might be dangerous or impossible to state directly", purely because, not all humor is satirical, or comes at the expense of another. 

I believe that a humorist, is nonetheless but a comedian, seeing that they both aim to entertain. 

Here is where I agree:

        A lot of humor in our lives does come at the expense of others, and the example that immediately comes to mind is the classic cartoon, Tom and Jerry. The show Tom and Jerry was a kids television show in the early 1940s. It was harmless laughing and entertainment for those that didn't realize what some of the segments of the show were actually referring to. 

I mean, how was a six-year old kid supposed to know that blackface was offensive to black people, or that blackface was meant to mock black people at the time? Not that it is ironic, but of course it was seen as comedic during the time, especially since America wasn't really in favor of Blacks... So instead they mock them. But it's just supposed to be funny that all of them get splashed with black sludge, and their facial expressions reveal just how displeased they are, that they are Black. 

Or how about how we never see Mammy Two Shoe's face, she's always cleaning, and just so happens to be dressed like a maid? 

In this case, a humorists aim was not just to entertain, but to "convey with impunity" (Botton). Of course there was no consequence, due to the fact that it was "just a joke". 

Society allows humorist and comedians to say things just because it's for entertainment purposes, but it completely excludes the fact that comedy can be hurtful and offensive. 

Growing up (A Satire)

"Literally and truly" (Question 2), when you grow up, it's gonna suck; you're going to want the things you can't have, and want to know the things you're not ready for; and when you're upset because your mother tells you you're not ready for the 82nd time in a row, it won't click until the 83rd. Going to school will either become easier or harder; tons of school work will pile up to the ceiling, and the amount of books stacked up on the floor will become taller, until maybe the second semester to where you can return half of them. 
And that's only part of it.
See, as you continue to grow, and morph into adulthood, the things you weren't ready to hear, are heard everyday, and interpreted in a new way. The excruciating idea of a desk job doesn't sound so bad anymore, because the college degrees that were accumulated on the journey to adulthood would've scored just about any job, and  money becomes way more of a reigning figure. It'll begin to dictate how much fun someone can have, or the type of life you can have. "The wiseacres will [probably]" (Question 2) tell you how to be you, and make growing even harder than it already is, like it wasn't already a sitting in traffic type of experience. 

A Trophy Father's Trophy Son

The love my father expressed to me was explicit but never really penetrated the layer of hurt I had built after my parents divorce. My parents are super mushy-gushy, but I never actually let myself receive the love that was equally reciprocated by both of my extremely loving parents. 

For starters, my father. 

I loved my Dad. That was my best friend, and I was his little girl. But his little girl had gotten her heart broken after her two favorite people decided they couldn't live together anymore. 

It was great after that, he'd pick my sister and I up every other weekend to visit, color with us, let me paint boxes, and even bought me Hannah Montana everything on my eighth birthday; man I loved Hannah Montana. But as time went on, I saw him less, he called less, and his little girl had grown out and grown up. 

"That was the way I had felt for a number of years during my [childhood]" (Manning 144). Time would fly and our relationship simply felt materialistic. Asking me if I'd needed anything when it came to school, or my life at home, but truthfully I just needed him. That was the way he showed his love for me. 

[at the time]. 

As a child, Our trips to Blockbuster, and through the passageway (the backstreet to his apartment... a short cut), they meant so much to me and I felt loved, even when he told me he loved him. Eggo waffles and the time we spent on the couch were the most memorable.  

More time passed, and the heart that broke healed. I loved my dad, and I knew he loved me. It's just that rough patches are rough for a reason... 

He even flew all the way back from living in California to be with his family. Our relationship was better. Could even say it felt new.      

The New Normal.

Today's media portrayal of those with disabilities is rather skewed in my opinion. I happen to notice this in the movie The Fault in our Stars, a novel written by John Green. A blind boy, a women with cancer, and another boy with cancer and a prosthetic leg.  
Even those with disabilities that do not affect their physical appearance are treated differently. 
The people that do the same things that we do in our everyday lives are almost singled out and treated like they are just their disability.
Doesn't sound like fun. 
Nancy Mairs, a women with Multiple Sclerosis, explains that having a disability "doesn't devour [you] wholly" (Mairs). Anyone with a disability does not become their disability, but the media continue to treat people that are not normal or natural like there is something wrong with them. They live and breathe as we do, so why treat them like they don't?
Having a disability is normal, and it is unfortunate that in this world there is only one normal. The media does a great deal of isolating those that are both different physically, and mentally. The only way to change that is to shape the media in our likeness. 

Nappy is Cool too.

The distortion of  the views that people have towards Black women are very prominent when Beneatha chooses to cut her hair off. The narrator describes it as "close-cropped and unstraightened"(Hansberry 80), meaning her hair was short and somewhat curly. Ruth, completely baffled, makes it seem as if it is not normal to have hair like Beneatha's; She made it seem as if Beneatha is not socially acceptable to have hair as she does. Saying "You expect this boy to go out with you with your head all nappy" (Hansberry 80)?  Nappy literally meaning "Afro-textured hair", but, why does nappy have to be a bad thing? George goes say that Beneatha looks "eccentric"(Hansberry 80), saying that she and her hair look abnormal and uncommon, but in a shameful way. 
Africans naturally have curly, kiny, and ziggly types of hair. So to go from having naturally curly hair, to the hair that sprouts from your roots..."naturally"  to be "eccentric" is quite a theory. "How can something that's natural be eccentric"(80)?
(like, there's an entire scale and everything) 
Of course during the 50s and the 60s, Black women were known to have pressed/straightened hair. I know that as both time and society have evolved, Black hair and its societal standards will evolve too, as they have. 

Here's where it gets interesting...

At the start of slavery, to possess Euro-centric features was acceptable, and Black women began to abandon their cornrows, and their fro's to transition into a new do' that wasn't curly, or that did not resemble their original heritage. Which began the assimilation into White or European culture- Which is also exactly what Beneatha is challenging in this altercation between George and Ruth. 

                             

Just a Grape

As I was doing the reading for A Raisin in the Sun, I've come to terms with the type of character Ruth is so far. 
She's kinda hopeless, a bit of a worrier, and is always prepared for the worst case scenario...
She's almost- Rude, to an extent to where there is nothing to be happy about in the life she lives. All of her decisions, all of her emotions seem to be dictated by the monetary issues in her home. Her husband, Walter, notices as they converse over his breakfast.  

He even makes the wide generalization that it is all colored women that behave this way... Which is a pretty large assumption, seeing that you'd have to know all Black women in order for what he said to be valid. 

Beneatha, she doesn't believe in God;Which is fine. I guess I was really just a little uneasy to her mother's reaction because she slapped her. Then tried to justify her response by saying "What you did was childish-- So you got treated like a child"(Hansberry 52). 
I think I can go as far as to say that's pretty much belittling her opinion, but I know things were different during this time. 

- Something to think about...

A little Party Never Killed Nobody...

Which ironically it kind of did. 
"I think he half-expected her to walk into one of his parties...Then he began asking people casually if they knew her, and I was the first one he found." (Fitzgerald 79). 
In this passage, Gatsby goes the immeasurable lengths just to rekindle his love with the married Daisy Fay Buchanan.  
Seeing that Gatsby threw all of his extravagant gatherings as a gesture of his love to lure Daisy back to him. Spending mass amounts of money on parties he'd hope she'd walk into was a bit of a stretch in my opinion. In the novel, he throws two parties, the one he invites Nick to, to where he coincidentally runs into Ms. Baker,  and the second one, to almost celebrate the newly found union between Daisy and Gatsby. Daisy, stringing him along, doesn't seem to care about his grand gestures, while her own husband engages in an affair with his mistress. What Gatsby was doing was half-sweet, and obsessive.  He even "bought that house so that Daisy would be just across the bay" (Fitzgerald78),  but, clearly love is blindness when it comes to Gatsby concluding the story with his own death and the mere fact that Daisy never musters up the courage to leave her husband for the man she truly loved.  
 Such a tragedy it seems because  it all were for nothing. Gatsby's actions exceed any ideal of love that any other man could match. 
This entire novel is a doomed love triangle that ends in the death's of Tom's mistress, Myrtle, and Daisy's lover, Gatsby. The people in the crossfire, Nick and Jordan, help them cheat on each other which shows just how dysfunctional their friendships are, and where their loyalties lie.  How heartbreaking it was, showing not the least bit of remorse for what Daisy had done(killing a person and a relationship), and then she fled to avoid dealing with the cleanup. 
She went back to him, and he went back to black. 

Whose Eye is Actually the Bluest?

Confronting racism can be one of the toughest things to encounter. Whether it be a sickening comment, or the way you see or view a hateful symbol. Especially when it's tucked away in the closet but always peeking through the cracks of the door. Racism is not something people can try to hide now, now that time is evolving and social and societal acceptances begin to shift and change.

In the Bluest Eye, Black women and Black men are faced with inequality living amongst their White neighbors. The amount of pressure society yields on its children forces eyes to look down and smiles to smear. How bad does it have to get for our Black children to desire physical features of those that are white? Uncomfortable enough in their own skin that they would desire to be someone else; Someone that was them, but did not look like them.

In The Bluest Eye, Pecola admires Shirley Temple on the side of her cup. Desiring to be like her, aspiring to ingest her culture as she drinks her white milk. "We knew she was fond of the Shirley Temple cup and took every opportunity to drink milk out of it" (Morrison 23), Morrison wrote describing Pecola's interest In the cup. Washing down White culture, and washing away Black culture, she figured if she looked like her, then her woes would disappear. 

I Won't Hide the Funk

I used to press an iron to my hair to disguise what was underneath...
 Or I could even take it back to two years ago, when I didn't even know I had curly hair... Or the closest I ever was to witnessing it, was when the hairs on my neck stuck out of my shower cap, and they curled up due to the humidity after a shower.  Or even after I got out off the pool, the waves would turn up, and the length would crinkle. 
Mother always told me the creamy crack was the way to go... Straight hair was just "easier to manage" as she would say. 
And yanno', I never really understood what she thought about curly hair until I went natural. 
Straight hair was easier to manage; and I will always hands down agree. 
Ever since I cut off my straight hair to let my curls roam free, I'd be standing over the sink in my bathroom for 45 minutes, trying to achieve that bomb twist-out I pinned on Pinterest, and the bantu knots i'd watch on Youtube. 
I'd always had a perm as a child, and for a black women to freely wear a fro was quite uncommon. It even made me feel as if they should tame their hair and conform to the flat iron as my mother had taught. I'll always respect the women with the coils and the ziggles that sprout from their gardens. They had the courage I didn't learn until last December. "Wherever it erupts, this funk" (Morrison 83), i'll let it fly and lay as it pleases. For the funk, makes me, and as I allow it. 
Curly hair has always been portrayed as something that needs to be tamed and handled, and the media doesn't help to make people think otherwise. I won't suppress my curls to the steam of a pressing comb, or the sizzle of a flat iron. 
i'll slick my baby hairs, following that bomb twist-out, and i'll watch the curls bounce in the mirror with a grand smile pasted across my face, as you should be happy with yours. 

You Equip Yourself to Look.

I wish "we were still in love with ourselves" (Morrison 74), because, if it were up to society; self-loathing would become quite the trend. Not in love with ourselves in terms of conceit, but being so in love with ourselves that flaws become a foreign concept, and that you are at peace with reflection in the water. It has become so difficult for people to take compliments because they feel obligated to compliment you back, rather than just saying thank you...Or, if you ever run into that one person that just cannot take a compliment, and they continue to try to explain as to why your compliment is invalid. 

Or maybe they actually just can't take the compliment because they just don't think they look they way you say they do. And that's even more painful.

I wish we were so in love with ourselves that our confidence could be naked and we would not be afraid to cover up. Being comfortable in our own skin is probably one of the most important things that can't be taught in school, but one teaches itself. Somebody could spout to you "love yourself" , and that "you're beautiful" all day long; but it'll always amount to nothing if you don't believe it.

I wish those few didn't have to ask "What did we lack?" (Morrison 74), because without question, they'd examine themselves and find nothing that caught them up. Beauty would come in a variety pack and everyone would've created their own definition.

2016 in a Nut Shell man

Alrighty.

Quick Rant: It's a bit frustrating that we live or lived in such a society that masculinity and femininity is sorely based upon your gender. A man can't get his eyebrows done without it being seen as gay, a female can't play football or be as strong as that big buff dude in your local gym... Even in a corporate instance, men and women sometimes aren't even paid the same, but, that is beside the point, and a whole different rant that's been done before. Like, little girls can't even play with action figures and get stuck playing with barbies, or maybe a little boy wants to dress up a baby doll... but that's not man enough.

We, and oh yes I mean WE as a society have created bizarre ideals of masculinity, femininity, and what the human body should look like  for no reason... It's like a set of rules meant to be broken and not to be followed. A man should be slim and muscular, and a women should be slim with large assets to accompany her hourglass figure. Its explicitly stated nowadays that "everyone is beautiful, but not everyone". And if the fact that every women was or felt beautiful "Could this account for the popularity of breast implant surgery?(Prager)". To make the point that cosmetic surgery is meant to enhance but it's of question as to why enhance it.  In Emily Prager's Our Barbies, Ourselves, she uses rhetoric by incorporating questions that lead you to keep reading her piece to find out their answers. She uses humor, and creates an atmosphere of comfort when talking about a sensitive topic.

To which i'd end this... Conformity is lame. Be you.

a Socially Withered Fanstasy

Obviously by the title, there's a disconnect between my infatuation between the union of lovers. Not a hater, I love love. But my gosh, love and relationships are so overly fantasized on social media it makes me gag. The amount of pages on social media, and Pinterest boards catering to the perfect gifts for him or her, honestly by this time lack originality and thought... Especially since some are doing the same thing. 

The few  that are in relationships will glance at the pictures and will either relate or scroll right past them. Scrolling is what I prefer to do, it is all, repetitive. But, by that time, one will grow tired of those preaching on what a relationship is supposed to be like... If it is not according to society and all its social standards, it's wrong. Not only are relationships a trend, but have become exploited so far beyond what they are, they have so many rules attached to them. 

1. Post him or her everywhere so everyone knows you care about them

2. Throw a VSCO filter over your cute times together 

3. Bring them material things so they know you appreciate them

The list could continue. Being in a relationship sounds like a chore rather then exchanging smiles, exotic laughter, and enjoying one's company. One's love is immeasurable to any Instagram post or any gift they could purchase or craft out of thought. I could never stress it enough that accompanying someone should speak loud enough for itself. But, who am I to speak on what love is, or what a relationship should be like. I'm young, especially in a time period where you learn to love, and to share loss; so I guess I'm entitled. "Sing together and talk story" (Hong Kingston 45) of the times you share, and laugh as you continue to make your own memories, not according to others I'd hope. 

Maus

In this panel of Maus, written by Art Spiegelman, it displays the mice living their daily lives and eating with their family. While all of that sounds normal of course... Yanno' mice eating dinner with their family at a table n' stuff; from the prospective this panel is drawn, it shows that the mice are being watched through the window. During the time period of the Holocaust, Jewish people were confined to curfews and other harsh rules by the German reign powered by the fist of Hitler. I feel as if the fact that the mice are being monitored by Nazi's, emphasizes the controlling and demeaning ways the Nazi's exercised their power over the Jews. Speigelman even takes the liberty of drawing curtains in this panel,  but the fact that the curtains are not in use, shows the amount of privacy the mice have.
Spiegelman's use of anthropomorphism refers to the Jewish people as mice and the Germans as cats. Meaning, the Jewish people are minor prey that the cat's will taunt before zoning in on their meal.  Spiegelman wrote " When first I came home it looked exactly so as before I went away...(Maus vol.1 pg 74)". Explaining that Vladek's life before he went away to war looked as if he never left, the dynamic of his family was something the Germans could not take away, even under constant surveillance.  

Childhood

You'll be born as a child thinking you want to grow up and be a princess, an astronaut, a famous athlete, and a fire fighter. Or even in my sisters ex-boyfriends case... The fire truck. You'll color outside of the lines in the first few years as you learn to write, and learn to form opinions about things you didn't think you'd even care about in the first place. But, a few years later, you'll be corrected, and conformed to the lines of your own coloring book. Then, you'll start to demolish old norms and find new ones as the suspense of your life continues to build. Figuring out who you are and what you want to be are already in question as you become a snaggle-tooth child with pig tails, rosy cheeks, or an awkward haircut. 
Ever since kindergarten, or even daycare, you grow up learning the basic principles of how to be a human being. Sharing your animal crackers becomes consideration, pushing little johnny on the swing becomes caring, and finger painting with your bestie becomes team work. The epitome of childhood forms you into an adult on your own reality show with a never ending season finale. Things will become less interesting, and will feel forced as you'll kiss your childhood goodbye as it disappears into distant memories, and maybe some day you'll retell it as a memoir, or if you're that into it, maybe a novel... 
Gee, as much fun as adulting sounds, it won't bring you as much joy as the monkey bars, or going to fifth grade camp as your first time trip away from home, but... Who wants to grow up? "Some day you will be old enough to read fairy tales again
" (C.S Lewis) , and you'll remember how appreciative you were to be a child in your adult years as you experience what the future promises.   

Long May You Reign.

Unrealistic norms have become your goals and when you don't achieve them, the cracks below your nose begin to set. Double-tap and screenshot as you wish, of  course... It'll all go in the trash eventually. Silently, you'll scroll, pin, and tweet whatever looks appetizing. 

How okay are you being you?

Quietly you'll scroll and retweet whatever looks great to you, and later you'll become the latest retweet. Essentially, what everybody else is doing, or wearing concerns you the most. Where's the individuality? Not to mention that, that cute couple you'll like and tag your friends in will become your standard of what your next or current relationship will be like. All of the false pretenses of love are mistaken for lust. 

 Man, medias got you by your laces huh? Next, you'll need your eyebrows to be as thick as hers, and you'll be encouraged to get in the gym to have a body like theirs. 

You'll take pictures naked.

 Not in the literal sense of course; but naked and baring it all. Will you smile or straight face it? Because your smile won't seem as beautiful as the last. Naked in terms of baring the fact that you are a product of what you've seen in the media and that you as yourself has disappeared behind a door you don't remember how to unlock. "Everybody worships" (Wallace 237), something of course. Whether it be a god, or just be idea that you're great. 

You'll then realize that you can create your own societal norms and won't have to follow a manual that was written for somebody else.